Mothers day walk

Happy mothers day to all my dear friends accross the world.

Yesterday was a very special day for me for several reasons. First it was nice to be able to spend mothers day with all the people that I care and care about me and second is even an honor to be able to do the annual walk of Latinas contra Cancer with all of them.

The expectation was that around 300 people will make the walk that started at 9 am, however San Jose City Hall had people waiting in line to be registered from 7:30 am. At the end more than 500 people did the walk that started with a big banner that was carried by all the kids from 2culturas (our Spanish moms group). It was a really nice 2 miles walk even if we had two accidents on the process, two people fall over when walking on some kind of holes on the road in middle San Jose, I hope they are doing good.

We made it to Mexican heritage plaza on time for the Mariachi music and entert to start, the plaza was full and it was a really nice atmosphere. Wwe had brunch while the music was playing and then they asked the survivors to come to the stage and after holding hands they asked for everyone who has lost anyone to cancer to join the circle and after everyone who knows of someone who had cancer, of course the full plaza was in a circle. It was very emotional and it was at that point when I lost it and started crying, it was a mix of feelings between happy to be supported by so many people and mad that there were so many people who are affected with cancer. It meant a lot to me to have all my friends with me there, I know some of them do normally have special activities for mothers day but they still make it to the walk and that meant a lot to me.

Leaving you here with my group of 2culturas photo, some people are missing from the photo but it is the mayority of the group who was there. Love each one of them!!

Having so much fun!

The past month I have been super busy but I am having so much fun that I really do not mind even if there are times that I feel really tired and promise Alberto that I am going to slow down.

First work is being really busy, NVIDIA is one of these companies that keeps surprises for you almost every day, there is always a fire drill, an emergency or something to be done that you have to drop everything and focus on but I really like that place and I love the people I work with so should not complain. Have had a hard time keeping my hours to 30 a week but more or less getting there and making sure that I am leaving that free hours for me. Many weeks I end up taking Friday offs as it is impossible during the week to take any time off but I more or less ok with the schedules as far as I can plan them with advance.

Then I have taken really serious the training and we have been walking around 20 to 25 miles (35-40 Km) a week. We are becoming experts on getting up on Saturday before 6 am and walk for almost 4 hours every weekend, and the most important one is that we are almost 8 of us every weekend!. Slowly we are increasing the miles and we are close to doing 15 miles in one walk!. Also I have started running training as I promised Alberto that I will do it, when I started I could not run more than one minute without dying, now I can run for 15 min at slow pace but I can do it!!. Yes for me!!!.

I have also been super busy helping Latinas Contra Cancer promoting their annual walk that happens this Sunday. It has been so much fun!, I was interview by Telemundo for their daily news and for a program called Enfoque that was air yesterday morning. I was soooooo happy how the interview turn up on TV yesterday that it looks like I have been doing that all my life!. I was really happy to hear that today the phone did not stop at Latinas Contra Cancer offices about the walk, it is a great result of all the work promoting the event. Yesterday also a nice article come at the local Newspaper about the walk and here you have the link to see the article that is in Spanish.

http://www.elmensajero.com/Caminata_contra_el_cancer

Also, I received a call from a friend from Spain and they have asked me to do an interview this week fo Diario de Navarra which I am super happy to do as I know is going to make my parents really proud. On Thursday I have got another interview by Celina Rodriguez who has got a very well known Radio program but they are coming to film and it is for a TV channel so I am not sure yet if the interview is for Radio or TV...What am I going to be doing after the walk?, I need to invent something to talk about!


I will tell you all about Sunday walk next week.

One of these moments

Last year after the shock of receiving the news of cancer I made a list of activities in my son's life that I have to be present at in the future and I must do everything in my power to make sure I am healthy for all these years to come and be able to see each one of them.

Some of these activities were first time riding a bike, first book read, soccer games, first school graduation, communion, first girlfriend, college years, wedding, his children.......

This weekend we did the first one and I was so proud of him and it was magical to see how happy he was with his own achievement. Attach is a proof of one of the videos I did.

When he went to bed, he said to me...."mommy, I am a big boy now" and I said "yes you are" and then he said " mommy, I love you", Ahhhhhh!. This is one of many more important milestones in his life, and I am delighted to be present.

Support me on Latinas Contra Cancer

As my friend Marcela will say I have got a mission in my life, it has taken me a few months to find two good ones but now I will be focusing on both of them:

1 - Susan G Komen or AVON as national support, these two organizations are the only ones who have got the power to make a difference on the fight against breast cancer so I will always support both or one of them every year. We have raised so far close to $40,000 for Susan G Komen, amazing!!!, thanks very much to everyone who has donated to the team.

2 - A local organization where I can make real impact to real people and that organization is Latinas Contra Cancer. I am really involved helping on their annual walk and I hope to raise some money for them.

To all my international friends you can help supporting this group by clicking on this link and register as "pledge" only and donate as little or as much as you can. Please indicate you are donating for my name.

http://www.cvent.com/events/2012-9th-annual-mother-s-day-walk-against-cancer/event-summary-141c0848cff6401a8e38e777bd62635d.aspx

Nervous break down for a few days

People who have had cancer will never be the same and will always have a cloud over them and wondering what is going to happen next. I think everyone I have spoken to who have had cancer a long time ago says that it gets better with time but that time has not arrived to me yet...

Last week I noticed that I had a brownish discharge and called my OB for check up. I have not gone to my OB office since last year breast cancer diagnosed so I had a level of anxiety going back to her office. She did the annual check up and after explaining to her what I had noticed she said that it was better to do a biopsy of the uterus as Tamoxifen could produce uterus cancer and one of the signs are bleeding. I almost fall over when she said she was going to do a biopsy there and then, it was like last year was coming back to me and I was getting upset by the minute. The biopsy was quick and almost painless and she did explain that she did not think it was cancer for several reasons but it was better to be checked. When she left the room I literally started crying like a child, I felt I was on square one again waiting for a result of a biopsy that could change my life even more. Alberto got upset with me as I told him not to come with me and when I arrived home and saw how upset I was he wished he had been with me there.

This was Friday afternoon and of course it was waiting time...I told her to send a copy of the pathology report to Dr Chen my Oncologist as I can get hold of her easier and quicker for results. I knew that if they did not call me on Monday or Tuesday the latest I would be OK as here they call you as soon as there are bad news, they are really fast on that!, today I could not wait any more so called them and the nurse called me back confirming that the biopsy come back negative to cancer and the pap smear was normal. OH MY GOD!!, what a relief!, I have been so stress and sleeping so bad for the past few days, now I can relax and wait for the next test I guess.....I just hope that it does get better with time!

Indentity theft - Here we are again

For everyone who follows my block will remember that my identity was stolen last year after I started my chemo treatment. For my European friends who might not know how identity is stolen is simple to explain, in the US if someone gets hold of your social security number, your date of birth and your name you are in big trouble!. With that information and Internet they can try to open credit cards, bank accounts, phone accounts and everything you can imagine. How can they do it when using a different address?, well really easy they ask for credit limits of $500 and most of financial institutions out there do not move a finger for security checks on checks for $500 so there are no any serious reviews if the request is genuine.

Last summer I went through hell to protect myself and my family, we changed bank accounts, we put theft alerts on all the 3 national bureau, I reported to the police, to the federal trade commission and who knws what else I did. We contracted a credit insurance which is a service that monitors any company that will ask for a credit report from you, in the US if you want to buy a phone and open an account with AT&T the first thing they do is check your credit report to see if you are a good customer to have. Every time anyone asks for any credit report about anyone in our family we receive an E-mail inmediatly. I so thought I had taken care of everything! but how wrong I was!!.

This weekend my tax person was filling electronically our tax return with the IRS (Inland revenue service or Hacienda in Spain) but it got rejected becuase SOMEONE has already filled a tax return with my social security number. WHAT!!!, You can not imagine how upset I got, not sure who that person might be but hell I will not answer to any logic reaction if in front of me. So....now my social security number is still out there and being used so I am now in bigger trouble to have more legal expousure myself.

Why somone will fill a tax return with someone else social?, two reasons I could think of, to claim a refund from the IRS or someone who is living ilegally in the US and is building their history for work purposes. So here we are again, this week I called the police and updated my report, put new alerts everywhere, called the Federal trade commission, talk to the IRS. Now I have to send a full repor to the IRS prooving who I am in case that person is claiming refund that the IRS does not go after me for the money. I also called the social security office to see if I should change my social, however they believe changing social will not solve any problems to me as my old one will still be in the market.

Now the question is.....what else are they going to do with my social???, if they have got the guts to send a tax return to the IRS I am really conccrned what else they will do.....

And yes I still believe this is a leak from the medical routes, someone has sold my data to someone but of course I will never find out who it got out there so will try to get stress about it!

Latinas contra el cancer

When I first was diagnosed with cancer I went to Internet asking for help, I wanted to know everything about my cancer, I wanted to be ready with every single doctor appointment and be familiar with all the terms that were going to be discussed. I also used Internet a lot to look for local support groups or for local associations that I could go to, not that I knew what I was looking for but I just looked for help. I found great support in English but I was really surprised that living in San Jose where the Latino community is large I did not find any supporting groups in Spanish.

When I started my conversations with Susan G. Komen to become educational speaker I found out that one of Susan G Komen board of Directors founded a Latino organization in San Jose called "Latinas contra el cancer". I google them and realized they are local support for the Latino low income families, the services they offered are education, case management,  support and patient navigation. I was really lucky to have a good medical insurance in the US and a fantastic group of doctors but I can imagine all the people who might not have health insurance and might not speak the language how difficult this process could be.

After I learned more about this group I knew I had to get involved so I sent a message to the founder Ysabel Duron offering my help and support. So today I met a group of them and agreed to be part of their committee for their next event which is a 2 mile walk on mothers day in May 13. I am delighted to help this organization and be part of a group so focus to make a difference for the people who will unfortunately be diagnosed in the future and will not have the resources that I was lucky to have.

Details of their event are Sunday May 13th 2012, registration starts at 7:30 and the walk is 2 miles. Cost of registration is $25 and that covers a T-shirt, brunch, music and raffle tickets. It is a great event to celebrate mothers day and the funds are going to be used locally for a fantastic cause. Hope to see all my local friends there!

Herceptin II

Have not written for some time which suppose to be a really good sign as I am really busy between work, walking and social events...

Need to give an update about Herceptin as all my worries and concerned have been for nothing. As I mentioned before I had a MUGA scan done in February that showed that my heart muscle was weaking and the heart injection had gone from 66% to 56% so I had a risk of having to stop Herceptin. The thought of not finishing my full 12 months protocol of Herceptin got me really nervous and allowed my mind to go wild on what will happen if I had to stop.

Last week I went to do a new MUGA scan, my doctor prescribe this time Valium to have my heart at the more relaxing state. I hate to take pills and specially the ones that make you drowsy so I did not take it at home but took the pills with me to the Hospital. I had a different technician from the one that is normally there on my previous tests, and I mentioned about the Valium and he told me: "I do not think you need it but it is up to you". They first drawn your blood, then they mix it with the radioactive dye or whatever it is and half an hour later they inject it back and they lay you down in the scan. When he started the process, I started my thousand questions that I normally do when I am nervous......and after the question number 20 he said: " I think you should take that Valium!". At the end I took half of it as I was too scared to take the full pill and make a fool of myself falling complete sleep at the scan table!, I kept imaging myself not being able to wake up and they would had to leave me there until the effect of the pill will finish. When I took it, he did not allowed me to go back to the waiting room, I had to stay there with him in case I had a reaction from it.....So I spent 30 min with him while he danced for me, he sang who knows what and told me everything about his life, bless him!!, have to say he was quite entertaining. After that time the scan started and by them Valium was doing something as I was really relaxed!, the scan is in three series, two of 5 min and one of 10 min and during that time you have to hear your heart monitor doing the "beep, beep...." which is really annoying.

The scan was Tuesday and Dr Chen does not work on Wednesday so I had to wait until Thursday morning for her to call me with the results. She did call me early in the morning and my result was 70%!!!. I had a feeling that my scan was going to improved but I did not expect the 70%, she did not say much apart from great and very impressive results and lets talk more about it on Monday.

So I had my Herceptin treatment yesterday and talk to her about the scan, she says that sometimes the dye they use might not do the work and the reading is incorrect so she is going to disregard the Feb scan. She can explain why I am higher than Nov one: I am doing much more sports than last year, but she can not explain any magical recovery in 6 weeks of my heart from Feb to March scan. So my question to her was: "how can I trust this scan going forward?", she says she does trust it when it is high, when it is low we look at it more closely (do more scans) to see if it is correct.

Yesterday I had a full check up, my blood results are great and even if I am still doing Herceptin every three weeks, she does not want to see me until July!!!, I am kind of going to miss her that I have been seen her almost every 2 or 3 weeks for the past 9 months!.

I am starting to believe that the big changes that I am doing in my life are starting to pay off, eating healthier, doing more sports and in general enjoying my life is making a big impact on me and the results around me are speaking by itself. I think I have said it before but it is ironic that I am probably now the healthiest that I have ever been.

Herceptin

I have now being taking Herceptin for around 20 weeks, Herceptin is one of the most powerful drugs for breast cancer HER2 positive out there that can help up to 50% recurrence of the cancer. However it is still relatively new drug and not much is known about how much, how long and how often to use it. The US has taken the protocol to administrate the treatment for 12 months in early stage breast cancer, while European countries only do it for 3 months in same cancer stage. However as my doctor explained today there is no evidence yet to know which one of both protocols is the best.

There is only one side effect from Herceptin and it is that could weak your heart muscle and for that reason they do what is called MUGA scan every 3 months. You can google MUGA(Multi Gated Acquisition Scan) scan and will tell you it is a nuclear medicine test that determines the efficiency of the individual heart valves. It is measure in % and the normal range is anything over 50% but it is really rare to have it over 70% or saying another way it is really rare to have a perfect heart or 100%. My first MUGA scan back in July had a whoopy 66% which could be considered really good. I had another one done after chemo and it was 64% which was great considering that Adriamycin could affect your heart. I had another one in February and had gone down to 56% so that puts me into the category of "have to be watched very closely from now on".

I will have my next MUGA scan in the next two weeks and my doctor has said that as soon as my scan shows anything lower than 50% she will stop Herceptin. The good news is that it is reversible so your heart does recover as soon as you stop so this does not mean that your heart is not going back to normal. The bad news is that for me it is really important to finish the protocol, it will make me feel better to know that I have gone through all of it. I could go back to Herceptin later on if needed though, just will not be able to go now while my heart is not strong enough.

For now my doctor seems quite relax, I even asked her if I could be doing more aerobic exercises like running or zumba and she says that the heart condition does not stop me of doing anything, I only need to watch my body and if I get tired I should stop but that is about it...We have been doing long walks in preparation for the Susan G Komen walk and I feel I can start doing something else!.

1st Annual Connor Johnson Invitational - Connor Johnson Invitational

I have known Mariam for over 10 years now and it was devastating when we found out that Connor had been diagnosed with a really rare brain cancer. This is an event that they have put together to support the pediatric brain cancer research at Packard in Stanford.
This is a note that Mariam sent out and the link of the event. Please support them if you can.

The Oz Foundation is generously hosting a special golf tournament on May 27th in honor of our late son, Connor Johnson. Connor was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer called DIPG in February 2010 at only 3 ½ years old. Most kids with this diagnosis live less than 9 months and the horrific prognosis for this disease has not changed in 35 years. Our Connor lived a wonderful 16 months and was 5 when he passed away last year. We miss him terribly. He was our ray of sunshine and brightened a room with his infectious smile. Please join us to change the odds for these kids and help derive a better prognosis. We are not too far off but we need your help.

The event is for adults and kids--golfers and non-golfers. It will be fun, come golf with your family. There will also be a silent auction. 100% of proceeds will go towards pediatric brain cancer research. Even if you can't make it, you can donate through the website. Thank you!

http://www.connorjohnson.dojiggy.com/

Life is so freaking cruel!

What do you do when you are so upset, when you feel so imcompetent that you can not do anything??. Everyone who knows me will tell you that I just drop everything when someone is in need and I can do something to help. But I hate with every part of my body when someone needs help and there is nothing I can do to help.

Someone gave me some news today that make me feel sick to my stomach, someone who is fighting for her 7 year old son's life for a long time and things are not going as good as expected. I can not even imagine what it is to go through a cancer treatment with a son or daughter, I can say how hard it is to go through a cancer treatment but I warranty you that it has to be thousand times harder to go through it with your own son!.

Only thing I can say is that we are here to support each other and I just HOPE that there is a solution and other options out there for Mario. How difficult is to bring a sick child from Spain to other part of the world?, if I could do anything to help them...

BUT you all can do something to help: DONATE BONE MARROW TODAY!!!

Some people are amazing!

When I went to the Susan G. Komen meeting last month with Lorraine they talked about this person in particular called Bridget and her story caused me amazing admiration. I come across her blog by chance on Internet the other day and after reading her story I am even more amazed and feel bad about even complaining any more about anything that happens to me.

She was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer at 21, she was diagnosed too late and cancer had already spread to the liver. She has gone through 6 years of multiple surgeries and really strong drug regime, she got married and went on honeymoon in the process and holding really strong today. I talked to her the other day as I loved a message that she posted related to Susan G. Komen and I want to share it with all of you here. I am becoming a strong supporter of Susan G. Komen as well so I am delighted when I see messages like this one.

We will walk this September in San Francisco Gooooooo PINK MELTING POT!!, we will keep walking until we find a cure!.
Susan G. Komen

I Stand With Susan G. Komen

Many of my friends, family, and blog readers have approached me over this past week because anyone who knows me knows I am in love with the work of Susan G. Komen for the Cure; I am a walker, a survivor, and a 3-Day Coach. Last week, when the news broke that Komen for the Cure decided to cease future funding of Planned Parenthood, thousands of women and men hit the internet to object. I will not revisit last week’s media firestorm. Plenty of people have already done more than enough recapping of every twist and turn.

Instead, I will share the reasons why I continue to support Susan G. Komen for the Cure. I will include links to absolutely everything I mention, so that anyone interested in learning more can learn more, and can do so by going directly to the source.

Deb

When I was first diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer in 2005, I went to events put on by various other breast cancer organizations. At those events, I was surrounded by women with gray hair and grandchildren. I came home in tears, and felt so much older than 21 years old. Other organizations left me, a young cancer survivor, feeling so very much alone.

Deb, a 30-something breast cancer survivor, changed all that for me. It wasn’t until Deb, a spunky little gal with flowing brunette hair, a sweet Southern drawl, and two little boys, stopped by my chemo chair one day that I finally realized I wasn’t alone at all. You see, Deb stopped by chemo to drop off literature about her support group called Breast Friends, a support group funded in part by Susan G. Komen’s Maryland Affiliate. Breast Friends was a support group for women under 40 who had been diagnosed with breast cancer. At the time, I didn’t even know there were other women under 40 with breast cancer, and this same wonderful Deb didn’t just offer support. She also offered education. Deb was the first to say, “Bridget, you should tell your story. You should go to schools and tell your story. You could save some lives.” So, you see, Komen gave me support and Komen gave me a voice.

Ann

Komen’s impact on my journey didn’t stop there. In the past six years, I have seen 10 different doctors about this cancer, and, while every doctor saw my concerns about having babies and getting married as understandable concerns for someone in her 20s, no doctor actually took those concerns to heart. No doctor, that is, until Dr. Ann Partridge at Dana Farber Cancer Institute. Dr. Partridge, or “The Boss” as she is known around my house, never told me to “worry about that later.” Instead, she helped me take action to preserve my fertility. She offered to plan my chemotherapy around my wedding and honeymoon. She offered me a chemotherapy drug that wouldn’t cause hair loss, so that I’d look my best when I walked down the aisle. She even offered to answer any questions my soon-to-be husband might have about my cancer before the Big Day. Now that’s a doctor! Dr. Partridge is the kind of doctor who thinks about the well being of the patient and the well being of the caregiver.

I am proud to say that Dr. Ann Partridge’s Young Women’s Program was funded by a three-year $1.35 million Susan G. Komen for the Cure grant. Not only that, but in addition to providing this program to lucky Dana Farber patients, this Komen grant allows “The Boss” to implement her Young Women’s Program in hospitals across the country, so that every young woman can get the same stellar, personalized care I’ve received regardless of where she happens to live.

So, as you see, I was supported by Komen, I was empowered by Komen, and I was cared for by Komen. But, have I been cured by Komen?

The Cure

I can honestly say: I wouldn’t be alive today if it weren’t for the research of Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

I have been on 15 different drugs during my six year battle, and every single one has been touched by a Komen for the Cure grant, including Herceptin. Herceptin is a drug that targets my particular type of breast cancer and, in clinical trials, Herceptin has been found to reduce the risk of relapse by almost 50%. Herceptin has been the one constant in my dozens of “chemo cocktails.” Herceptin is in my current cocktail; it’s being used in combination with my friend Taxol. Herceptin is not a cure, but Herceptin is keeping me alive, and Komen gave me Herceptin.

But that’s the past. What about the future? Well, I can tell you that currently, Komen is funding 572 research projects totaling more than $300 million worldwide. In 2009, “The Boss” referred me to a clinical trial led by Dr.Leisha Emens at Johns Hopkins University. Dr. Emens is developing a vaccine that teaches a patient’s immune system to fight her breast cancer on its own, and the trial is having some fantastic results. While I was unable to get the vaccine because my cancer began progressing unexpectedly, I believe this vaccine idea could truly be the future of breast cancer care. Dr.Emens’ trial was funded in 2006 by a $300,000 Komen grant. To learn more about the other exciting clinical research that Susan G. Komen funded last year alone, click here.

I Will Walk

Last Wednesday, when this news first started breaking in the media, I was at the hospital getting chemotherapy. I thought that was pretty ironic…my afternoon was about to get even more ironic! That afternoon in the hospital actually helped me deal with the onslaught of unsettling news stories. Last Wednesday, during a routine blood draw, I found out that the tumor markers in my blood had increased from 75 to 99, a preliminary sign that my chemotherapy regimen might no longer be working. When the whole world began debating and questioning Susan G. Komen’s work, my cancer turned out to be a gift. I needed a reminder, and this news was a poignant reminder. I was able to see that, for me personally, the news about Susan G. Komen mattered, but it didn’t matter enough to sway me from the heart of why I walk.

So what did I do after I learned that my tumor markers rose from 75 to 99 last week? How did I cope with the news? I registered to walk in the 2012 Susan G. Komen Washington, DC 3-Day.

I walk because I have to go to chemotherapy every week, and I don’t want anyone else to have to live that life. I walk because I live with the heavy burdens of fear and doubt every day, like the fear and doubt piercing my heart tonight as I think of my rising tumor markers. I walk because I know that over the past 6 years I have been on 15 different drugs, and all 15 of them were touched by a Susan G. Komen grant. I walk because, while there are other charities out there, no one comes close to funding research the same way Komen does. I walk because this cause is too important to walk away. I walk because today someone is going to die from breast cancer, and I walk because I don’t want to die from breast cancer.

No other organization has had my back like Komen for the Cure, and now it’s time for me to return the favor. Together, we will move past this. I believe we have already started moving, and I believe we are moving forward. I believe we will come out of this better, wiser, and stronger than before.

I hope each of you will be walking beside me this October, but I understand if that’s not the case, and I respect and support that. I wish all of you all the best. You are important to me, and I thank you for your service to this event and to the fight for a better world.

What is my bra size?

As I mentioned the other day I had to go back to the plastic surgeon office in order to be injected with more water and to decide what size I might want to have during reconstruction. Well, first I went to be measure and I thought that was a bit of an adventure.

The doctor send me to see someone in Nordstrom, I guess that person might be a friend of the doctor and I am sure she was going to treat me really nice. But no...I went there after work and I wanted to go home early to go for a walk so I did stop at Macys as it was more convenient to me. Not sure if anyone who lives in San Jose has noticed this but if you go to Valleyfair to the bra sessions in Nordstrom the people who work there are young and really nice. But if you go to Macy's the age of the people working there is much higher and some are not that nice. This department reminds me sometimes of El Corte Ingles in Spain where sometimes you might be lucky if you get a smile, and many times you feel like if you owe something to the person who suppose to be helping you.

Anyway, first I had to get the attention from someone and I told that person that I wanted to be measure. She told me :" you will have to wait, I am with a customer", I thought great, this is not going to start well, it would had be nicer if she would had said:" I will be with you in a second". After looking at all the new bras around to make time, I had to go and find someone again as it was obvious that woman was not going to help me. I manage to get another one who did not look very happy but she agreed to do it, we went to the fitting rooms and I told her I was not planning to take the clothes off, just wanted an idea of the size with the clothes on....I had to listen to a lecture but I was not going to go into explaining I did not have breast.....She told me I could be two different sizes depending on the bras and she rush out like avoiding any question I might ask, not before saying you have got a really small breast. I looked at the door, thinking she was just taking the piss but I think she was serious.

So now I knew my size more or less, needed to go back to the doctor and decide what we do with the size. He said that if I want to be a size smaller from what I have now he needs to inject me additional 60 ml of water so if I do get fibrosis the breast will not contract to lower than the size I want. He injected the additional 60 ml and I guess by now I am close to DD or E or who knows and it does feel huge!. How people with large artificial breast manage?, I have to say that is a big difference between natural large breast or artificial large breast as it is like a stone you have in front of you.

I did this on Wednesday and I did not sleep that night, neither Thursday. I was in pain, I could not lay down and I felt like my temporally implant was about to explode any minute. There was no way I could live like this for another 10 months....I kept imagine the coming summer where you wear less clothes, I could see myself getting some unwanted attention. So yesterday morning I called my doctor again and ask them if they would see me that morning, they were so nice to fit me in the same day and he laugh when I told him that sorry I could not live with that breast. Monica and I were on the way to San Francisco to the Spanish Embassy  to register Ethan in the civil register after 5 years!, but before we stop at the doctor's office. He took out the 60 ml of water and I could breath so much better....My breast is still bigger than what should be but I can live with it for a bit longer.

Back at work life

I am loving being back at work but what I am loving even more is being able to do only 30 hours a week. I have to consider myself one of the luckiest people on earth, and probably is true.


I had worked in NVIDIA for 10 years in the UK and the US when I decided to leave last year in May to take another role in another semiconductor company. I have to say that the new role was perfect for me running their finance department for their US and Latin America offices. I was not sure about the company as it is a European old fashion tech company that I was hoping with new management would had changed but when I joined realized how bureaucratic it is. Also, I have a really hard time working in environment where the management team has more privileges than any other employee just because they have vice president title: they can fly Business class when you are on the back of the plane, they have got more vacation than you, the company lease expensive cars just to drive from home to the office, they even have got special annual medical check ups that the company pays on top of any normal insurance. I am from the mentality that these differences affect productivity and normally example has to be shown from the top and not from the bottom....If I would had known this I probably would had never joined them but I did and as I said I loved the job a lot.

Unfortunately I was diagnosed with breast cancer two months after I started working with them and I went on 6 months disability which it was easy for me as I was still not attached to the job and the people. Everyone was super understanding and supportive, what can they do anyway....However that role requires me to travel a lot as well as a lot of effort to do the changes needed for improvement and meet the expectations from everyone, and do not forget that you need to prove to everyone that a Spanish girl can run a finance department of a US company. Well, this cancer was a wake up call for me and one thing I have learned for sure is to take my professional life much easier and put my personal life as a priority. For that reason I could not come back to work there, I needed an option.

NVIDIA people had been so supportive, that I called the CFO and asked her if they will take me back. We arranged for a lunch meeting and I was super happy to learn that I could go back to my old role and they will accept the only condition I was asking which was 30 hours a week!!!. So it is really nice to be back but still leave work at 3 pm and go for a walk, cook dinner and spend a nice family evening together. I am still on education mode which means that some people are still setting things up for me during my none working hours, some I accept, some refuse but slowly they are getting use to my new working hours.

As I said I am really lucky, no many companies will allowed you to do that in the current environment plus I can also afford that as I know many people even if they might want to give up their job they can't do it as they need the money.

What size do you want?

It has now been a month since I finished radiation and have to say that my skin went back to normal really fast despite the horrible burn that I had. I have also started the 5 year pill,Tamoxifen, the day after my last radiation treatment and happy to say that I have not had any side effects that everyone tells you about which is great.


The other day I went to see my plastic surgeon and we agreed that I will not be doing reconstruction until sometime early 2013, first reason is because temporally expander are doing great and second because he prefers not to get me into surgery while I am on Herceptin. I have to be in Herceptin until early November this year, after that we will give it around 2 months break and expected to do the surgery in January or February 2013. Everything was great until the day after my visit that his office assistant called me and said he wanted to see me again.....I was....Uh....why?, but she did not know why, So I told her that I was sorry but I was not going back to their office until they would tell me why. So he called me and he said that he had a meeting at the hospital board and he saw my radiologist, they talked about me....I would have loved to listen to them....and my radiologist told him how bad my skin had reacted at the end of the radio treatment. Then my plastic surgeon asked him to forward the latest x ray and they agreed by looking at them that the internal burns were high as well, I do not feel anything by the way..SO, he thinks I have got small risk to have fibrosis and that will be devastating for the final breast reconstruction. The intention of the visit is that he wants to inject me more water and force the skin to be more tense so we avoid that small risk of fibrosis.

So last Friday after being at the hospital for my quarterly MUGA scan, I went to see him and discuss face to face what he wants to do. I understood perfectly what he is trying to do but I really do not want to make my breast any bigger....So he injected 60 ml of fluid and now they feel huge even if they are still smaller than they were before the mastectomy. He asked me to go home and think about the size that I want next year!!!, and I told him I have got no idea...how the people who increase their boobs made that decision!, the reason why he wants me to decide now is that if I do get Fibrosis the area will get reduced by skin and tissue contracting so whatever size I want he has to make now one size bigger!. So if I want to be a B, I have to be a C this year, if I want a C have to be D for the time being...too complicated and uncomfortable!. So I have not decided...can I be between B and C?, or can I have an implant that changes the size depending on the clothes that you wear.......they are definitely going to look great but still have not decided what to do. I am going back on Wednesday afternoon to see him again and suppose to say something by then!.

Also!, I told him that my final reconstruction will be permanent implant and not tummy tuck, sorry but even if I can do two things at the same time it is too big of a surgery so no thanks!. But....he told me that they will do a small liposuction as they use the fat in your tummy (which I do have) to fill out the breast around the implant to make it more natural. Something good has to come up from this process I guess!!