International Breast Cancer day

Want to use this especial day to recap on what has been my past 3 and a half months, I guess this is the extreme example of how a person's life can changed so much in such a short period of time. The photos here are from my friend Maite.

The emotional rollercoaster has been very hard, first when you find out that you have got cancer you think about dying. In my case I just started having really bad dreams about dying and had a really hard time to cope with them. When you realize that you are not going to die, that the doctors are very positive and there is a plan in place to get that cancer out of your body, then you become like this super human. I always told everyone who was diagnosed with Breast Cancer after me that you should not underestimate your body as we are much stronger than what we think we are. I would have never thought that I could go through a double mastectomy surgery and 6 chemo sessions and feeling so good physically but I did it and feel really proud of it!!.

Now in the past few weeks I am starting to experience a new emotional feeling that I had not had before: fear of recurrence. During the past 3 weeks I have had a cold coming and going that could not get rid of, last week at the end it went to my chest and I had to be put on antibiotics as I had bronchitis. Every day that I felt a soar throat my first thought was: is it now on my throat?. Or last week when I had the coughing: is it now on my lungs?. I honestly had a really hard time to understand that it is almost impossible that the cancer is anywhere else as my margins were negative and PET scan did not show anything anywhere, and what I am experiencing is just a cold like any other person. When talking to Cheryl she told me it is normal for at least two years to have that feelings and slowly you just learn how to cope with that anxiety.

But to cope with that anxiety levels, the down moments and the crying times I have had a really strong support system. Many of my friends say that I am always with a smile in my face and I am the strongest person they have met, I personally think I am not that strong just try to educate myself really well....going down during this time is not an option, I need to be strong and be positive. There has been a few days that I have had some bad moments and suddenly a very good friend has called me or come around the house to get me out for a walk...and I thought what a coincidence...well there was no coincidence it was Alberto sending messages or calling them saying we need you but she will not ask for help!.

To all these people who have been with me during this battle thanks very much for making this your personal battle as well. I wish I could be in Spain to be next to my family, it might have been easier in terms of logistics but I am also really happy we are here in the US. My US  family has taken care of us as well as the Spanish one would have done, there has been so many people who has offered so much help to us that it has been an eye opener.

A friend asked me some time ago if I have had any surprises on this process and my answer was yes. You always have got people who surprise you for the good or the bad, this is like a train you are on it for a long run but you do not know who is going to ride with you all the way or who is dropping in what station. Some people just got out really early even if I bought them a long distance ticket, but you need to keep in mind that for some people this situation is hard, it reminds them of their mortality and it is really hard for them to cope with it. Some people I never bought them a ticket but they have been with me all the way through. To everyone who has been with me independently of when they join and when they left THANKS VERY MUCH.

Today and after having some bad emotional days have to say that I am more than ever a believer that I can win this battle and I will. I have got the best husband that anyone could have, a beautiful son that needs me more than anyone and a strong family and friends that adores us and wants to battle with us.

Want to send a big kiss to all my battle friends who are going through the same as me from Ainara, Marta and Cristina. A especial kiss and big thank to my friend Cheryl Sole to be such a strong survivor and such an inspiration to me.